I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
