sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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