What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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