You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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