butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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