She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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