This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
