Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
