well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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