Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
