don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
