Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
