just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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