I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
People in love make me want to vomit
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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