No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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