The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
