I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
