First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
