Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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