I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
