I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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