If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
