Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The air taste purple.
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