I skipped work to stalk him.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
