Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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