guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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