Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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