y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
