Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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