Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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