the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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