My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
