is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
