Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
