Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
