So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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