Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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