we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were destined to go to rehab together
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize