My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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