You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
