get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
