Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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