Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
