exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i barfeds in our rink
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
