Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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