Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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