I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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