I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
