Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
