You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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