you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
