so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
