Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
