I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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