There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
