She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
