I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
