All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
