is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
