he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
