I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
