she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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