Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
