It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
