Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
