Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
