I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
