Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
