I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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