when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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