90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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