I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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