I wish my penis had an off switch
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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